I hate Harry Potter and so should you. Why, you ask? Well I can list dozens of reason why Harry Potter is a pile of dog crap, but you guys will just be like, "SO//?/? THATZ JST UR OPINYON DOOD I STILL THNK HARY POOTR RULEZ!!1!!!!!!!1" So I am going to set aside my personal opinion for now and make a logical rational argument. Atheists, and Satan-worshipping heathens, you may as well stop reading right here, because nothing that follows is going to change your mind, seeing as how you hate God and wouldn't care, even though He saw fit to give you life. And well, just because your life sucks don't blame it on HIM, because that's your own fault for being a loser. (Ugh... I'm starting to sound like sevensFAG. OH CRAP! I just put something in parentheses.. MERCIFUL GOD IN HEAVEN PLEASE HELP ME I'M TURNING INTO SEVENSFAG!!!!)
Ok. Whew! I'm better now. Ok. Where was I.. Oh yeah. Satan worshippers, don't waste your time reading any further. Go back to worshipping rocks and sacrificing puppies or whatever it is you sick douchebags do in your free time. But the rest of you, I want to talk to you about something. Now I know you like to think of yourself as a modern and intelligent person, and you've probably already FLIPPANTLY dismissed the idea of Harry Potter being tied to witchcraft and devil worship, and I say good for you! Don't let those backward fundamentalists try to tell you what's what! I mean.. just LOOK at those people - those fundamentalists, I mean. They are just so GAUCHE, aren't they? Haha! It's like... HELLO, fundamentalists! Welcome to FREAKIN 1692, ROFLMFAOLOLLERCOPTRSKAETS!111!!!!!! I mean... those fundies probably think that computers work by little magic demons living inside them and powering them up with their evil black magik!!11 LOL!!1! They probably think the internet works by little pixies flying back and forth to computers all over the world with evil magic messages that people type through their Satanic keyboards, right??? ROFL!1!1! Well that's all nice and amusing, and we certainly had a good chuckle there didn't we?
The only problem is, THE FUNDIES ARE RIGHT.
Ok, so we never see Harry Potter sacrificing virgins to Satan and drinking the blood of his foes, or at least I don't think we do. I wouldn't know because I wouldn't stoop so low as to read that subpar, poorly written, overhyped CRAP. But don't fool yourselves, Christians. Ms JK Rowling, your beloved worshipful bestest, wonderfulest author of the 21st century and beyond does indeed hate God. In an interview last year, Ms. Rawling mocked Christians who refused to read her books on moral grounds. She said in so many words, that Christians who don't read her books are dangerous fundamentalists who are no different from Islamic terrorists. Now what I would like to know, Ms. Rowling, is, who the hell are you to call ANYONE dangerous and backwards because they don't want to read your WORTHLESS CRAP???? You disagree with these people, that's fine, but it is their GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO CHOOSE WHAT THEY WANT TO READ AND WHAT THEY WANT THEIR CHILDREN TO READ AND YOU HAVE NO PLACE EQUATING THESE PEOPLE WITH TERRORISTS WHO HAVE KILLED THOUSANDS IN THE NAME OF THEIR RELIGION. Good Lord, what an arrogant monkey's piss of a woman! Yeah, Ms. Rawling, who cares if people read the Bible anymore, just as long as every man, woman, and child alive is reading your stupid Harry Potter tripe and bowing down to your stinking fungus-infested feet! Anyway, if you don't believe me that she said these things, you can check out the source for yourself here. Read it and bathe in the fullness of Empress Rowling's pig-headed arrogant glory.
So Christians, make up your own mind whether Rowling's books are satanic or immoral or whatever. But please remember how she mocked and disdained your fellow Christians who chose not to follow in lock-step with the rest of the sheeple. You may disagree with them, but as Christians WE ARE BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN SOLIDARITY. When someone attacks one Christian, they attack all Christians. Just remember the next time you pick up your Harry Potter book or insert your exalted Harry Potter satan-disc into your DVD player, JK Rowling has DECLARED WAR ON YOUR FAITH.
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