Ausstellung

The Art and Craft of Being Hardcore

Do you think you have what it takes to be HARD CORE?????
A lot of people come up to me on the street and ask me, "Hey, cool-looking person, how can I be as HARD CORE as you are????" and I honestly have to shrug and say, "I don't know, dude. You just have to be born that way I guess!"
So really, you either have it or you don't. There's no surefire way to become HARD CORE.
But there is a simple quiz you can take to determine your hardcoreness. I call it "The Quiz Which You Will Now Take".

1. You see a basket of baby bunnies. What is your initial reaction?

• Awwwwww!!! Cute lil bunnie-wunnies!!!! (-30 points)
• Psh!!! How gay! (+10 points)
• STOMP ON 'EM!!!!!!!! (+30 points)

2. Your friend sneezes. What do you do?

• Say "Bless you!" (-10 points)
• Don't say anything (0 points)
• Kick him in the nads!!!! (+30 points)

3. What would you rather do in your spare time?

• Curl up by the fire with a nice girly romance novel. (-100 points)
• Go bowling (+1 point)
• Go out and smash people's faces in then shove a hand grenade up your bum hole!!! (+ 1,000,000 points)

4. What kind of food would you rather eat?

• Quiche (- Infinity points)
• Steak (+ 10 points)
• Nachos, or anything that will make you crap fire (+100 points)

5. What do you think of Barbra Streisand's music?

• Oy vey it's to DIE for!!!! (- Infinity points + your face)
• DUDE IT TOTALLY SUCKS GOAT BALLS!!!!! (+ 10 points)
• Who? (+ 5,234,203,921.43 points)

6. What's your favorite movie about robots?

• Bicentennial Man, definitely! Robin Williams gave such a heartbreaking performance! (- 2 billion points)
• I, Robot with Will Smith (0 points)
• Terminator!!!! (+10 points)

7. You just lost a game of Parcheesi against your best friend, Melvin Finklestein. What do you do?

• Thank him for a great game and for the time the two of you have spent on this beautiful day of friendship. (-100 points)
• Tell him he sucks and he should go kill himself now. (+10 points)
• While he's not looking, inject a syringe full of AIDS into his ass! (+100 points)

Ok, now add up all your points and see how you did!

0-100 points: You suck. You are a douchebag titty baby. Go kill yourself. Now.
100-500 points: You are not HARD CORE. You need to make an honest assessment of your life and ask yourself, is it all really worth it? And if the answer is yes, then you are deluding yourself and you're probably ugly too.
500-Infinity points: DUDE, U R TTLY HARD CORE!!!!!!!!!! U SHOULD TTLY GO OUT AND GET A BEER NOW AND START A FIGHT YO!!!!!!!!